What was it you wanted to know? To master? Learn it, then. Looks like the only thing standing in your way is yourself-- your own time management, your own hobbies, and your own investments that you make in yourself. Because maybe, the current "you" seems pretty inadequate. The sad news is that the current you will always be the current you until the current you does something about it.
So what was it you wanted to be again?
The feeling of inadequacy is a self-feeding cycle and the fear of "wasting" time chasing actual dreams seems so irrational next to doing what you don't love, just to earn things that you temporarily will. So I'm going to air tears that I've denied canvases. I'm going to let myself scare my own self; let the height of my emotion move and scar me, if that's what it takes to fully experience myself, and ultimately, to put onto that canvas something someone with the same scars thinks they're alone in crying for.